Worst Movie Songs of All Time
In honor of the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic I thought I’d take today to look at the truly awful songs that have plagued movie soundtracks over the years. It is a rather dubious feat if you think about it. Music is supposed to uplift an audience, setting the mood for a scene. Music is powerful because it can speak volumes without the actor saying a word. That is why it’s pretty unforgivable to botch the job like the music directors below have. I don’t pretend to have seen every film since, thankfully, I have a life, but of the many I have seen over the years these are the songs that hold the special distinction of being named the worst movie songs of all time.
Celine Dion “My Heart Will Go On” (Titanic) – We have to start out with the inspiration for this article. After hearing this sticky sweet anthem of teenage love lost resurrected in force over the past few months I have to wonder what happened here? This song is an emotional shipwreck that allowed James Cameron to ride to box office glory. Celine almost pulled off the hat trick of logging two songs on this shameful list for “Because You Loved Me” from the film Up Close and Personal, but I decided to limit the selections to feature one song per artist and movie.
Aerosmith “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” (Armageddon) – Even great bands make bad songs from time to time. I can’t prove it, but I believe the mishap known as “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” from the equally pitiful film Armageddon was a payday project for the boys at Aerosmith. Steven Tyler was just prostituting his daughter out four years prior in the “Crazy” video so there is no reason edgy should have turned to mush so quickly. We’ll afford them the benefit of the doubt.
Seal “Kiss from a Rose” (Batman Forever) – I have to say this pick was challenging because the Batman franchise (post-Tim Burton and pre-Christopher Nolan) produced some truly awful music. U2, Smashing Pumpkins — take your pick. Seal had to take the cake though with the meandering ballad “Kiss from a Rose.” Seal started out as an edgy rock artist, breaking through to the mainstream with tracks like “Crazy.” Not soon thereafter he began his descent into the pop, adult contemporary abyss, and “Kiss from a Rose” marked his full submersion.
Nickelback “Hero” (Spiderman) – Yes I’m very aware that adding Nickelback to a worst song list is reaching for the low hanging fruit, but they had to be featured for the sins of “Hero.” I mean even the band knows this dog should be put out of its misery since they won’t even let you embed it from YouTube. Gotta contain those stinkers.
Madonna “Die Another Day” (Die Another Day) – Come on you had to know a Bond song would make the list. These cheeseball anthems have been dragging down quality artists for years. I bet as we speak there are highly respected musicians jockeying to be featured in the latest Bond flick Skyfall (rumors have pinned Adele, Noel Gallagher and Michael Buble among the contenders). This lurching dance track by Madonna is mind-numbing. Bond producers please stop the insanity by filling the opening credits with an instrumental track.
Britney Spears “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” (Crossroads) – Is this a song title or the theme of her life? Given the whole guardianship mess of late, you really have to wonder. Crossroads was set up to be Britney’s big break through into Hollywood when she was at her prime. It launched her into acting super stardom about as well as Glitter spring boarded Mariah Carey. Some musicians just weren’t meant to multi-task. “Not a Girl” isn’t catchy. It isn’t heartfelt. Its just flat filler. Maybe when Britney shaved her head and accosted the car with an umbrella, she had just listened to this track, and it finally clicked “that’s what happened to my music career.”